Life has been hard. It’s been hard because of the pandemic. The lock downs. The risk. And life is often hard, but this feels harder. It makes it very difficult to see the good when it all looks the same from day to day. I chose to join Effy Wild’s “Artfully Wild Blog Along for April” so I could tune in a little more to what’s going on and start taking stock of my life. It’s already working! I’ve been reading my cohorts blog posts and finding inspiration abounding. I’d like to borrow the format of the lovely Joanna Hennon as it captures the natures of my thoughts for today.
Creating – Masks for a trip to Hawaii, although we are now questioning the logic of this. Is it too soon? Will our tests get back in time? Will it be a ‘muted’ experience due to COVID restrictions? We need a vacation out of our home but is this the right one? Time will tell
Reading – ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear. I started it a long time ago but never got very far. However, now I feel as if my habits have stagnated or regressed and I need some help. So far so good. Who is also reading it? Let’s start a book club!
Drinking – A bloody Mary and a cold cup of coffee. My husband has been in a 9 month long project from hell that is starting to wrap up. He deserved a treat. The coffee is from Espresso Vivace in Seattle and is shipped out the day it’s roasted. Roasted in the Italian style, it’s probably some of the best coffee I’ve ever had. Thank you to “The World According to Jeff Goldblum” for introducing us to it. BTW, I’ve only been to a Starbucks less than 6 times since the pandemic began. It used to be weekly.
Watching – reruns. Sabrina the Teenage Witch. The Love Boat. OH! I almost forgot – We are watching Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. I think it is the best thing I’ve seen on television in years, maybe decades, and I am blown away by it regularly.
Writing – This. I had intended to do some writing for Camp NaNoWriMo, and I may still do so, but the inspiration to take on my book hasn’t hit me. So here I am.
Feeling – like I’ve reintroduced myself to the anxiety I developed after my parents, and particularly my dad, died. I developed a case of PTSD from some drama with my students and cast members. Statements like “can I talk to you in the hall” or “I need to talk to, but later” would send me into sweats, headaches and dizziness. I dreaded walking into the classroom or rehearsal hall. I stopped allowing them to hijack me like that by telling folks to not do that. If you just need to tell me something not earth shattering and don’t want to forget, use the phrase “it’s all good.” Or accept that I usually am not going to be amenable to “hey, we’ll talk later, okay?” NO, it’s not okay. Tell me now. And yes, I’m probably annoyed that you chose to do this at class or rehearsal start time and now you are holding me hostage so I can’t do my work. I also got to the point where I would announce that if you need to talk to me, please be prepared to do so when you bring it up. Trying to prepare me, or yourself, to “talk later” just causes unnecessary anxiety. This has all stopped happening for the most part due to more open communication, but the anxiety still lingers. I have serious trouble wearing masks due to (I think) having COVID last February after a trip to Disneyland and therefore a shortness of breath problem. I do wear them and muscle through it, but it’s miserable. I have anxiety over traveling and being in the world because, mostly, of other people and their nonchalance about the virus. Yet, I can’t stand being disconnected. It’s all a bit too much for this strong, Taurean extrovert to handle. Here’s hoping for the light at the end of this tunnel to continue getting brighter.
Thank you for reading along with me. It’s odd to think that putting some words down here has made me a little more at peace.